When a child misses out on the experience of a loving consistent caregiver especially during the first 2 years of life, the consequences can be devastating . If a caregiver is detached, physically or psychologically absent, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) may result. Without learning to trust others in early childhood,
these children go on to lack healthy relationships later in life. Seven years ago, my husband and I learned the very real definition of RAD when we decided to adopted a set of siblings from the foster system. We had no idea the impact this would have on our very blessed and peaceful life. The window pictured above is a symbolic and actual view into the chaos we live with everyday caused by one of the siblings who has this disorder. This is a window that our daughter broke during one of her multiple daily rages. It resembles how broken and ugly she feels on the inside. RAD is incurable. It is a process that we face every hour of everyday. We face constant judgement and ridicule from people on the outside looking in at the ugliness without an understanding of how it got there. I am hoping that this blog can serve as a tool to educate others about this terrible disorder and the impact it has on all of it's victims. It doesn't just impact the child who has it. Collateral damage is inevitable.
Life as the "Evil Stepmother" controlled by a 65 LB terrorist referred to as Cinderella.
Have you ever wondered if Cinderella's Wicked Stepmother was really that bad or if she was just really misjudged. I do now! As a child, I knew she was bad! She was scary and evil to the core. Poor Cinderella was so mistreated and unloved by the greedy, self centered, money hungry, abusive step mother. She was worked to the bone and left with only rags. She was kind and beautiful under her tattered and torn exterior. Who wouldn't want to have Cinderella as a child? Well, this is a scenario that I have found myself tied to. When we adopted our RAD daughter, we thought we would be the fairy Godparents who would sweep in and rescue her. We'd give her the beautiful gown and she would change her life forever. That didn't happen. I sewed her the gown. She wore it once and ripped it. I sewed her a new gown. She did it again. We played that game for almost two years before I learned that Cinderella liked her appearance. I stopped fighting that battle. Soon she started attending...
Cheryl,
ReplyDeleteWhat a fantastic topic to write about in your blog! You are correct that many do not know about RAD, as I was (am) one of them. I would love to see you share more about it from a first hand perspective and educate others.
Also, I can only imagine the amount of patience, understand and love it must take to work with a child (or anyone) who has RAD. You are truly a great person to be so dedicated to these children and your love and labor will most certainly not go unrewarded.